I see you in my heart every day if you are oppressed without relief. I see you if you are struggling to recover and opposed at every turn. I see you if you are shocked repeatedly by the cruelty of Christian leaders as you try to run your race limping. You are the mission field of my heart and I believe Christ's Spirit has put you there. I pray for you all the time. I care about your pain. I sorrow over the fact that popular church dogma sees our lives as sadly disposable. When advice to commit suicide by "staying married" fails to our destruction, too commonly we, rather than the advisers, are faulted: "lack of faith", you know. I know that and I hurt with your shock. I speak to make us look at our church-wide cruelty because love does not overlook unending cruelty. If the first church cared enough to hear the complaints of widows who needed daily food, we have to care enough to relieve family abuse, to support the healing of the victims, and to protect the people from perpetrators.
Paul said in 2 Corinthians 13:10 that the authority given to him by God was given to build up God's people, and NOT to tear them down. Paul had more authority than any present Christian leader: they all come under Paul's teaching. Obviously no authority is above Christ, Who is Head over every earthly authority. They are all under His feet. Christ uses His authority to benefit His own people (Ephesians 1:21-23). Every authority, therefore, must be evaluated as to whether it is good or evil. Scripture teaches us we do not submit to evil or to hatred. Evil and hatred do often overpower us, but given choice and opportunity we please God and not evil actors. We are admonished to not let ourselves be bound again by the yoke of slavery to unhelpful rules or any other hindrance to the great commission. The Scripture says it is for freedom we have been set free. Submission to anyone is a willing decision to do good humbly, not a soulless robot-ism. Where free and wise thought are removed, there is no longer submission, but foolishness. I have needed to remind myself of these concepts repeatedly.
I was deluded into thinking that if I had faith and sacrificed myself in love, my husband would be softened by such patient endurance. That is not the kind of patient endurance or sacrifice the Scriptures advocate. It is instead simply slow suicide that wastes life. I watched my dear friends follow the same path I followed, with great and real faith. I watched them come to a crisis moment where they had to realize the waste of their own lives and time and then to grieve the death of their own years. I watched their physical infirmities caused by the years of trauma breaking my heart. Authority had not been used to build them up but to tear them to pieces. Most often, their children have turned away from the path of faith or perverted it in rebellion to the faith that seemed to demolish. Churches were commonly not seen as elevating the law of love but as worshiping an icon of marriage at all costs, even the cost of life. God Bless the few Bible-based churches who stand firmly for Christ's love.
It is a hard fact of life that men who abuse their wives habitually are almost never those who are moved by compassion for the pain they cause. They apologize only to keep the relationship in order to use it another day. Their hearts are not touched by our kindness; their hearts are motivated to abuse us for being kind or for being strong. There is no vengeance in this statement. I would be passing judgment on God if I were to declare otherwise. It is wisdom to know the truth in order to navigate the very dangerous waters. Who am I to declare that I should act a fool because God COULD change these men when the fact is that He rarely does change them. We must believe God when He warns of those whose consciences are seared as with a hot iron. The worst of the lot are those who do those things and call themselves Christians. Their hearts must be especially hardened to be inundated with lovely Scripture and the fellowship of Christ's Spirit all around and yet remain a fan of cruelty. This is not a new creation specimen. "Beware", we should be saying. We have a right and a responsibility to depart from those who love cruelty. If God would indeed change one, that one would agree and he would do that which brings comfort to victims. He would agree that one who sews murder will reap the absence of the one murdered. He would understand that he cannot demand forgiveness or manipulate for reconciliation, and that forgiveness does not equal reconciliation.
What about the "ministry of reconciliation" from 2 Corinthians 5? It is obvious that this is the process of people being reconciled to God and we participate in that ministry by sharing the message that brings them to Him. It has nothing to do with making sure that every abused person spends strength on risking life to remain reconciled/close with the personal abuser. There are Christian leaders who use this reasoning, but I am often afraid they know it is a manipulation of Scripture. It is not applied towards missionaries who decide to leave their fields for safety issues. But the teaching has served very well to manipulate congregations to feel less guilt about ostracizing abused women who refuse to or cannot remain with their abusers.
I pray for you that you are encouraged. I pray that you sense God's love and experience it in many ways, including my small encouragement to assess the authorities (even church authorities) as to their authenticity in Christ. I pray that you are spared some of the shock of being treated with church contempt in actuality. I pray that what I say may spare you what I went through , that I by my words may walk with you in empathy. I pray that you are free at heart in your healing or in your decision to try to heal. I pray that you will hold your head high, knowing that you are loved by the Lord Who has engraved you on His Hands, and loved by those like me who see you in the heart. I pray that you will be blessed with a very real experience of that sense of love which is necessary to life. I pray you will be surrounded by arms of love from real Christians. You are mighty women of valor, so terribly brave, so honed for compassion!
Many who are first will be last and many who are last will be first. Jesus loves the women who sit at His feet and listen in trust. Women were the first to know He is resurrected. They were the first to preach the message of resurrection. They were not objects of contempt to Jesus. They were people who received His special gentleness. Jesus bless you with His special gentleness.
Paul said in 2 Corinthians 13:10 that the authority given to him by God was given to build up God's people, and NOT to tear them down. Paul had more authority than any present Christian leader: they all come under Paul's teaching. Obviously no authority is above Christ, Who is Head over every earthly authority. They are all under His feet. Christ uses His authority to benefit His own people (Ephesians 1:21-23). Every authority, therefore, must be evaluated as to whether it is good or evil. Scripture teaches us we do not submit to evil or to hatred. Evil and hatred do often overpower us, but given choice and opportunity we please God and not evil actors. We are admonished to not let ourselves be bound again by the yoke of slavery to unhelpful rules or any other hindrance to the great commission. The Scripture says it is for freedom we have been set free. Submission to anyone is a willing decision to do good humbly, not a soulless robot-ism. Where free and wise thought are removed, there is no longer submission, but foolishness. I have needed to remind myself of these concepts repeatedly.
I was deluded into thinking that if I had faith and sacrificed myself in love, my husband would be softened by such patient endurance. That is not the kind of patient endurance or sacrifice the Scriptures advocate. It is instead simply slow suicide that wastes life. I watched my dear friends follow the same path I followed, with great and real faith. I watched them come to a crisis moment where they had to realize the waste of their own lives and time and then to grieve the death of their own years. I watched their physical infirmities caused by the years of trauma breaking my heart. Authority had not been used to build them up but to tear them to pieces. Most often, their children have turned away from the path of faith or perverted it in rebellion to the faith that seemed to demolish. Churches were commonly not seen as elevating the law of love but as worshiping an icon of marriage at all costs, even the cost of life. God Bless the few Bible-based churches who stand firmly for Christ's love.
It is a hard fact of life that men who abuse their wives habitually are almost never those who are moved by compassion for the pain they cause. They apologize only to keep the relationship in order to use it another day. Their hearts are not touched by our kindness; their hearts are motivated to abuse us for being kind or for being strong. There is no vengeance in this statement. I would be passing judgment on God if I were to declare otherwise. It is wisdom to know the truth in order to navigate the very dangerous waters. Who am I to declare that I should act a fool because God COULD change these men when the fact is that He rarely does change them. We must believe God when He warns of those whose consciences are seared as with a hot iron. The worst of the lot are those who do those things and call themselves Christians. Their hearts must be especially hardened to be inundated with lovely Scripture and the fellowship of Christ's Spirit all around and yet remain a fan of cruelty. This is not a new creation specimen. "Beware", we should be saying. We have a right and a responsibility to depart from those who love cruelty. If God would indeed change one, that one would agree and he would do that which brings comfort to victims. He would agree that one who sews murder will reap the absence of the one murdered. He would understand that he cannot demand forgiveness or manipulate for reconciliation, and that forgiveness does not equal reconciliation.
What about the "ministry of reconciliation" from 2 Corinthians 5? It is obvious that this is the process of people being reconciled to God and we participate in that ministry by sharing the message that brings them to Him. It has nothing to do with making sure that every abused person spends strength on risking life to remain reconciled/close with the personal abuser. There are Christian leaders who use this reasoning, but I am often afraid they know it is a manipulation of Scripture. It is not applied towards missionaries who decide to leave their fields for safety issues. But the teaching has served very well to manipulate congregations to feel less guilt about ostracizing abused women who refuse to or cannot remain with their abusers.
I pray for you that you are encouraged. I pray that you sense God's love and experience it in many ways, including my small encouragement to assess the authorities (even church authorities) as to their authenticity in Christ. I pray that you are spared some of the shock of being treated with church contempt in actuality. I pray that what I say may spare you what I went through , that I by my words may walk with you in empathy. I pray that you are free at heart in your healing or in your decision to try to heal. I pray that you will hold your head high, knowing that you are loved by the Lord Who has engraved you on His Hands, and loved by those like me who see you in the heart. I pray that you will be blessed with a very real experience of that sense of love which is necessary to life. I pray you will be surrounded by arms of love from real Christians. You are mighty women of valor, so terribly brave, so honed for compassion!
Many who are first will be last and many who are last will be first. Jesus loves the women who sit at His feet and listen in trust. Women were the first to know He is resurrected. They were the first to preach the message of resurrection. They were not objects of contempt to Jesus. They were people who received His special gentleness. Jesus bless you with His special gentleness.
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